My workflow’s getting harder and harder to manage. I don’t know how I’m coping because I’m actually so exhausted that I can’t defog my thoughts enough to clearly focus on any one goal or thought. It’s like skimming the Cliff’s Notes of your own life and it actually kinda alarms me. Am I really that old? That I have constant brain fog? That I feel barely conscious and like I’m going through the motions of living, but not actually present for any of it?
I know this happens to everyone. The grind, the family and general adulting take their toll and you wind up just trying to make it through one catastrophe after another until your one day off shows up, and everything you didn’t get done that week becomes how you spend that day off.
I know what I need to do is slow down, but I can’t afford to. Maybe that’s why lately I’ve taken every little setback so hard? It’s never been like me to be that way. If you’d read my blog of fifteen years ago, you’d have seen a very different Meep! I was more confidant, things rolled off my back. I wasn’t anywhere near as fat but that’s a gripe for another day, lol! I wonder what happened to that girl? That quck-witted, sharp-tongued music snob who kept up on politics and all the latest music, who was picky about the shows she watched and had real opinions about things and stuff? Now I watch shows for nostalgia (and Loki), and my mind just isn’t as sharp as it once was.
I don’t want to keep going on like this. I want to be creative again! To learn and grow and dream! I was going to make SavageDusk.org my fanart collective but I think I might make it a dream journal instead? Or should I Livejournal or tumblr that? Ooo, so many possibilities!